Ex-girlfriend stands her ground after cheating ex tries to use their shared dog to sneak a visit, realizing it's just a pattern to distract from his past lies: 'I'm so skeptical of him.'

Author image for Ayala Sorotsky
Ayala Sorotsky • Writer and Editor
Mar 16, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

We reserve a special place of disdain for people who involve their pets in their petty human disputes. Our dogs and cats did nothing wrong, and they should be kept out of our dirty laundry.

When we hear of another person who uses their dog as a tool of revenge, we lose another piece of faith in humanity. Especially if said person claims to care for the emotional state of another human being - in this case, an ex-girlfriend. Yes, it might not be such a revenge situation, but if we could read between the lines - and we always try to - we understand a very different picture than what this ex-boyfriend claims to present.

It's less "I'm bringing the dog over to make you happy", and more of "Remember that I have the dog? Remember that you don't have the dog? Also, I don't care what, or at least don't claim to care, about what an emotional rollercoaster the dog will experience if he sees you again, and then I essentially make you vanish from his life again. I'm such a good person, right?"

This hurts real bad, especially because the ex-girlfriend declined the "generous" offer for a visit, but mostly because of the past. Having a cheating ex-boyfriend suddenly trying to show care through the dog is a major red flag. We hope this dog is safer than the emotional turmoil his human papa is willing to put him through.

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  • 01
    I (29F) feel terrible and need some perspective here. Today was an emotional day for me, for reasons I won't get into.
    via Reddit
  • 02
    My ex (39M) have exchanged a couple emails in the past week, cause I've been weak, but otherwise I have had him blocked from my life for four months now.
    via Reddit
  • 03
    I love him so much but after I found out he was cheating on me I just kept catching him in more lies and kept being gaslit about things, only for him to confess to them eventually.
    via Reddit
  • 04
    A couple in bed, the woman is sound asleep, the man is scrolling through his phone and looking at the woman, making sure she's asleep.
    via vladans

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    A couple in bed, the woman is sound asleep, the man is scrolling through his phone and looking at the woman, making sure she's asleep.

  • 05
    it was breaking my brain. I had to run from him to save my sanity, we're both still heart broken but its become too toxic.
    via Reddit
  • 06
    While we were together we adopted a dog. I love our puppy, I paid for his adoption and consider him ours but there was no question when we broke up who would keep the dog - he lives in the country, I don't.
    via Reddit
  • 07
    so the dog is his, but I still call him ours because awh miss him.
    via Reddit
  • 08
    A happy dog with his tongue out, enjoying the outside air.
    via samuelzarsky19 from Pixabay

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    A happy dog with his tongue out, enjoying the outside air.

  • 09
    Anyways. My ex knew that today would be hard on me. Just as I got home, I received an email from him saying that he wasn't trying to take advantage of me while I was vulnerable, but that he was about 15 minutes away and would drop off our dog to cheer me up for a couple hours, and that I didn't have to see my ex at all.
    via Reddit
  • 10
    He said there was no pressure, that he wanted to go on a drive anyways, and that it was for my well being..
    via Reddit
  • 11
    Well, I didn't receive that gesture kindly. I told him no. I told him not to come over because seeing him or even just our dog would be extremely upsetting, not comforting.
    via Reddit
  • 12
    I told him that i felt like he was preying on my vulnerability and backing me into a corner where I either need to expose myself to him or be a b , him notifying me only 15 minutes away felt like a mind game move.
    via Reddit
  • 13
    For one, he lives 2.5 hours away, he could have told me about his idea a head of time instead of last minute; he knows I hate surprises/last minute plan changes; he knows that while our puppy does make me very happy that seeing our dog or even knowing that my ex is in my town would stir up alot of emotions and heartbreak for me, it's not all comforting; even though he says he could drop him off contactless, I just know we would see each other.
    via Reddit
  • 14
    I told him no, that he put me in an uncomfortable position and did so in a way that did feel like it was meant to pressure me into seeing him while I'm in a vulnerable headspace and that he knew how upsetting that reunion would be for me.
    via Reddit
  • 15
    He accepted my decline and said that he's not upset about me saying no, and said that it's me who's getting upset.
    via Reddit
  • 16
    He apologized and said he was just trying to cheer me up. I assume he has turned around to drive back home now..
    via Reddit
  • 17
    I feel so terrible for how I reacted. On the one hand, this is a very sweet and thoughtful gesture and he has always swept me away with just how kind and thoughtful he can be in general and especially when I'm in distress.
    via Reddit
  • 18
    I know his heart is breaking too, I know it would've been on some level a really good visit for me and the puppy.
    via Reddit
  • 19
    A dog smiling to the camera, standing in a flowery field.
    via Dali Images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    A dog smiling to the camera, standing in a flowery field.

  • 20
    I know this man would move mountains for my well being, but he can't stop cheating and lying and living dual lives for me (even when given a free pass..).
    via Reddit
  • 21
    But sometimes his grand gestures, that sound so romantic and sweet on the surface, feel like a way to over compensate for his betrayals or feel like tools to lure me back in his orbit.
    via Reddit
  • 22
    When we were together, he would never give me such short notice! even if he was surprising me with a visit, he knew to atleast tell me when he was on his way otherwise the sudden company would take me a while to settle down from.
    via Reddit
  • 23
    It's similar to how when we were in round one of trying to fix things, he surprised me with a paid vacation south.
    via Reddit
  • 24
    We typically went every year together, but him not asking me or consulting me at all and booking a trip six months in the future during a time that I was discovering alot of lies, felt really manipulative.
    via Reddit
  • 25
    I didn't end up on that trip. it feels like another time where he is making plans for me "in my best interest" that aren't actually, but I'm so skeptical of him, idk what's genuinely good anymore.
    via Reddit
  • 26
    I get into such a defensive, self preservation mode around him - which does lead me to overreact and have out bursts sometimes, but I really can't tell if I am. seeing this as more threatening than it is.
    via Reddit
  • 27
    like is what he did even inappropriate? Or did I just get angry and punish someone doing something nice?
    via Reddit
  • 28
    please give me some perspective on Reddit, am i overreacting by accusing him of being manipulative, being upset over his act of kindness and for refusing to meet with him/our dog, even after he traveled so far to do something to comfort me?
    via Reddit
  • 29
    A couple is in a fight, the man sitting with his phone, trying to prevent the woman behind him from peeking at the screen.
    via nd3000

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    A couple is in a fight, the man sitting with his phone, trying to prevent the woman behind him from peeking at the screen.

  • 30
    StrangeArcticles If you're sending mixed signals, it's likely you'll be receiving the same. That is you opening the door he is then trying to walk through, if you do not want him trying, close ed door. If you're "weak" the d one week and determined to move on the next, that means you are not determined at all. So stop it.
    via StrangeArcticles
  • 31
    Block the email, block the phone number, block the social media. Keep your problems to yourself or share them with literally anyone else. Once you've got your own path figured out, there's no harm trying to be in contact again, but right now, you need to do what you expect of him and back off. All the way, not just when it happens to suit you. YOR, since you are 100% a participant in the back and forth.
    via StrangeArcticles

  • We can't give relationship advice, but we know one thing - even if the “door” was open, in the form of emails still not being blocked off completely for the ex-boyfriend, using the dog as a nice “excuse” doesn't actually sound like a nice thing to do. Not for the ex-girlfriend raising concerns, and not for the dog. So no, we can't say we agree with this comment - the blame can't be placed on “mixed signals” or “open doors”. The situation is more complex than that, and bringing the dog into this mess isn't a wholesome or heartwarming deed to do.

    What's the dog to blame? The poor pupper must be missing the original poster just as much, if not more than the ex-boyfriend. Did the guy think about the consequences of the dog seeing his ex-girlfriend, or did he just think of the implications of her seeing the dog? (even if he assessed incorrectly). Not considering the dog's feelings and emotions should tell you more about the person's character than any unresolved business this woman had with her ex.

  • 32
    Appropriate Aioli363 This situation is hopeless. You won't stop it so you get to keep living it. I'd say good luck but really, you have no place being a part of each other's lives and you won't change it any time soon.
    via Appropriate_Aioli363
  • 33
    RecentContest9154 He's an ex for a reason. Best to not see him. Let it go and stop debating how you reacted.
    via RecentContest9154
  • 34
    Mundane-Run6179 YOR. And you know you're prone to overreacting when it comes to him. Take a moment and think for a bit. I don't think he had any malicious intent. I genuinely think he just wanted to surprise you to help you feel better in a misguided way. He absolutely should have called ahead of time before just showing up, but I genuinely do not think he meant any harm
    via Mundane-Run6179

  • While we do think it's a good thing that this woman is aware of her patterns, of overreacting to her ex's “nice guy” attempts, as this comment puts it - we don't think said “nice guy” had only pure intentions, as this commenter assumes. While she describes her own patterns and behaviors with emotional awareness, she also describes his patterns of behavior very clearly. And they're definitely shouldn't be assumed pure, nice, or altruistic. Or at least they should be taken with a grain of salt.

  • 35
    Evening Delay_1856 Please stop second guessing yourself. He didn't call you. He should have. You know this. Instead of changing your internal story, leave it. You're making yourself feel worse. Don't let your ex do this.
    via Evening_Delay_1856
  • 36
    Arlaneutique I think YOR. You have given him immense mixed signals and it's not fair to him or you. He sounds like he was genuinely interested in making you happy not playing on your vulnerability. Then after continuing to contact him you acted like he was out of line for doing the same. If you really want to be done then be done. Otherwise, don't act like he's the bad guy for doing the same thing you are.
    via Arlaneutique

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Tags

dogs drama ex girlfriend lies ex boyfriend relationships cheating mental health toxic relationship relationship drama
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